22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome
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Even if he doesn’t mind hearing it, he might never say it back—AS males are more comfortable demonstrating their feelings through actions, not words. If you are dishonest, even occasionally, you will lose her trust, and she will begin suspecting you even for the right things you do.
One way is by telling him your needs are not being met in the relationship; he may see this as an unprovoked attack. I don’t want to sound like I believe that people with AS cannot be in successful long-term relationships. Although it sounds quite Zen, it can be more than a bit frustrating to watch him become one with the television, bed, or computer when there are chores to be done or a world to explore. The positive note At least he can relax, which is probably the opposite of what he is when he is working and engaged. When they see how hard you have to work at your relationship, especially if the effort exceeds the reward, your family and friends will likely think you’re selling yourself short.
Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey, both on the spectrum, reflect on their dating experiences and provide recommendations for relationships in both the short- and long-term. But while the possibility for accurate diagnosis of autism using the DSM-IV is excellent, the accuracy of diagnosis for Asperger’s using the manual has come under question (Attwood 2003). If you are involved in something that is exciting and fulfilling for you, he may not want to hear about it. Remember that happiness should be the main ingredient in any relationship, and that you— and he—are as worthy of it as any two people. You may be tapping your fingers on the dining room table, watching dinner get cold; meanwhile he is at his house catching up on paperwork because he didn’t think the exact time was important.
If you are the partner of a man with Asperger’s you may be the one who first noticed his anomalies; he may or may not be officially diagnosed. Counselors and other professionals working with women with AS will find the insight offered extremely enlightening.Many men with AS say that they are celibate or asexual, either out of choice or because they can’t find or maintain a relationship. Social withdrawal, adherence to strict routines, and sensory overload, all symptoms of Asperger’s, will cause him to “retreat” on a more or less frequent basis. Does having extreme sensitivity to physical touch or an above average need for solitude change one’s expectation of relationships or sexual experience?
Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher. The Asperger Couple’s Workbook: Making Difference Work—Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counselors alike. A subscription to something that arrives at your door— magazine, clothes, coffee of the month, a curated book collection, or even household supplies. The aim is to help women understand the male Asperger’s mind and help men with it to see things from their partner’s perspective.On the other hand, some have said that diagnosis made them deteriorate, and their symptoms stronger. Through the years it has been further described and refined by Maxine Aston in England, and by Dr Tony Attwood in Australia. This practical book is designed for use by couples and families affected by AS, either on their own or in conjunction with a counsellor.